The past month has been a crazy and busy month for me. It is months such as this that would have totally wiped out my daily scripture reading goal in previous years. In February I flew back to Washington DC for our usual Maternal Fetal Medicine Network steering committee meetings and an hour before I landed, I received an email from the NIH that due to catastrophic snow storms, the meetings were cancelled. I was unable to get a flight back for the rest of the week. I know that I sometimes say that I would love a week in a hotel by myself with nothing to do, but after the first night I was going stir crazy. I flew back on the 14th and on the 16th received a call from Ric that mom had been quite sick while I was gone. I suggested we take her in to Insta Care, but after seeing the two hour wait we took her to the ER. They ended up admitting her right then for pneumonia. She ended up later being admitted to the telemetry unit in atrial fib and they diagnosed her with severe aortic stenosis and congestive heart failure. We took her home a week later and I stayed with her until we could get home visits set up. We have a CNA that comes in the morning and one at night . She also gets two visits a week from the nurse (just happens to be her granddaughter Jennifer).
I did not stay up on my journaling but I am very proud to say that I did stay up on my reading. I have come to look forward to reading each night and even when I was not writing in the journal, I was looking for things that I could write and that seems to really make a difference for me. I have found the more that I read, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more I am able to relate the scriptures and what they teach to my own life.
I have been reading in Alma and there have been so many things that have touched me. One night when I was reading in Alma 7 where Alma is preaching to the people of Gideon, I read a few verses that really touched me for some reason. I dog-eared the page to come back to later. It is in Alma 7 :23 and 24. Alma tells the people that they should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive. And see that ye have faith, hope and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.
This hit home for me. I can feel myself veer away from these things, the busier that I become. I become so involved in the things that are not important and allow myself to become so overwhelmed. Many of the things that I am doing are good things, but I allow them to push me to the point that I am exhausted. It is at these times that the feelings of charity, patience and long suffering go out the window. I become angry and a little judgmental of others. I quarrel more with Dave and the kids and I find myself feeling justified to do so. As I read these verses, I realize that nothing is as important as putting myself in the frame of mind to follow Alma’s words. To stop and realize that being right is not as important as being patient and long suffering. Being submissive can sometimes have such a bad connotation. It is not a sign of weakness as the world would have us believe. In fact it is a sign of much strength. How difficult is it to not be always be proving ourselves to others and allowing our pride and expectations to decide how we act. There are some days that I come home from work and as I pick up the house, do laundry etc…..that feeling of I’m doing it all and no one is helping starts to creep in and before I know it I am acting out of anger and self pity instead of love and gratitude. I should feel so blessed to have a wonderful family to serve. I should feel blessed that I have been given the amazing opportunity to change lives with the research I am involved in. I am able to each day work with amazing physicians and nurses around the country in changing the care of mothers and babies. Some of these changes will save or improve the lives of millions. Not many people can say that.
I am afraid that I have rambled and not really shared what I so strongly feel. These few verses have made a great impact on me and I will strive to increase these attributes in my life. I truly feel that it will help me become what the Lord wants me to be.