Monthly Archives: July 2016

It is What it is!! continued




It is What it is!!

When we arrived home on Saturday, we were met with a great roast beef dinner with rolls and all the fixings from Texie. She is like me in that I show my love by feeding everyone. .  It really hit the spot after hospital food and it was so great to be in our home and sleep in our own bed.  I had slept the night on the couch in Dave’s room and let me say it was not a pillow top.  In fact there wasn’t even a pillow.

The word had gotten out and the phone and doorbell did not stop ringing.  I was so amazed at the love that was poured out to Dave and our family.  It was truly amazing.  He is a very loved person in the neighborhood, ward, friends and clients.

The one thing he wanted before he had surgery was to take a long horse ride. There were no promises as to what the surgery would do to his capacity to do the things he loved, mainly work, ride and rope.  He never did mention that he was afraid that he would not be able to mow the lawn!!

So he and Jace went for a long ride out on Antelope Island and it was so good for him. He was able to do the thing he loved the most with one of the people he loved the most.

He came back very tired so I fixed him a nice big dinner and we put on a movie (Nacho Libre) and just spent some time being together.

Again I was amazed at the peace that came over me and I knew we would be okay. Looking back, I can now see that sometimes my okay is not the Lord’s okay.

Sunday we all attended church together and then again just spent the day being together. One’s perspective on life changes dramatically when you go through things like this.  I cannot believe that the man that I was so ticked at for some idiot thing just days ago (can’t even remember what it was) was the same man I was seeing now.  I thought how silly it is to waste a minute on these small things when life can change in an instant.

From the day he received the news in Moscow he never faltered.   His comment time and time again was “IT IS WHAT IT IS”, meaning for him, he was not going to waste time worrying about something he could not change.  He talked so much to me and the kids about the atonement and how the Lord loved us each so much, that whatever happened was what was meant to be in his life and would be for his benefit.  I cannot say that I had ever loved this man more than I did at that time.

What I didn’t realize was that for us the nightmare had just begun and we were to be tested in a way that we could never have imagined.  I am grateful for little tender mercies and periods of peace and comfort that attended us during these trials.  For us the villain was still very much alive.




It Is What It Is!!

This past few months have been like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life.  I have hit the lowest lows and some of the highest highs as we have dealt with a devastating diagnosis with Dave.  At the start of our journey, I started journaling my thoughts, but it just became to hard to put them on paper.  I am going to post the first things I wrote and then try to fill in the rest, as I think it is so important that I get these down and recorded.  We have been schooled and tested and grown in ways that I felt impossible.  And the journey is far from over.

It is What it is!!

 I have read so many fiction and nonfiction books that start out explaining an ordinary day in very vivid detail.  Most of these start out with those exact words— “It was just an ordinary day” and you know right then that something big is just about to happen.  It never fails.  Well for us it was just like that.  For Valentine’s day, I surprised Dave with plane tickets to go and visit Jace and Krystal and little Emmie in Moscow Idaho, where they were living while Jace finished his last year of vet school .  We flew up on Thursday and were going to spend Friday taking a nice little trip in to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. On Saturday, we had plans to go and watch Krystal barrel race.  Sunday we were going to bless Emmie and planned on flying home on Monday.  I was so thrilled for this trip because Dave had not yet seen Em in person.  Jordan and I flew up when she was born in January but this would be Dave’s first in person meeting and I was so excited to see him in action as a grandpa.

We flew in Thursday and spent the day just oohing and aahing over Em and just enjoying being together. Friday morning we got up and Krystal had a wonderful breakfast for us and we all started getting ready for our trip in to Coeur d’Alene.  We were going to do a little site seeing and then have a nice dinner to celebrate Dave’s birthday. 

Friday morning at breakfast, I started noticing that Dave was giving me some really strange looks as if he was mad or something.  I didn’t think much of it, but also noticed he became very quiet.  Shortly after, he followed me downstairs and told me that he could not remember the names of the people upstairs—Jace, Krystal and Em.  I did a quick assessment of him, asking him things like where we were, what year it was and who the president was.  He was able to answer some, but names just would not come to him. 

Thinking he was having a stroke, I told him we were going right to the ER. I expected some resistance, but he just said “I think that is a good idea”.  I really thought that he was having a stroke or at least a TIA and knew that time to treatment was crucial.  We went to the little hospital in Moscow.  I wish I could remember the ER doctor but he was very good and had Dave down for a MRI within about 15 minutes.

I was sitting in the room alone, when the doctor came back in and told me that it was not a stroke, but a brain tumor. I almost expected him to say “Just kidding” as it came as such a shock.  I remember thinking maybe that is better than a stroke, remembering Leonard’s experiences with strokes.  How wrong I was. 

They medicated him with some Dexamethasone and anti-seizure meds and slowly his memory came back. There was then talk of where to send him.  They wanted to life flight him to the university of Utah, but after checking with insurance and hospital policies, they would not cover that since there were other hospitals much closer that would be able to treat him.  They told us that if we were to pay out of pocket to get him to Salt Lake, it would be around $100,000 and not any of it would be covered.  I talked to the doctor explaining that I had medical experience and could we fly him commercial.  The next flight available was the next day and they did not want to wait that long, so they encouraged us to go to Spokane.  I really wanted him at the U, so we finally convinced them to let us drive him there.

Jace and Krystal, Em and, I drove to their house and quickly loaded up all of our stuff along with 3 horses and 2 dogs. We got everything loaded in less than 30 minutes.  We drove back picked up Dave along with any meds we may need on the trip back, and off we went. I can’t remember much of that trip other than a peace that came over me that everything was going to be okay.

It took us about 11 hours driving with only one stop to let the horses out and we pulled into Kaysville around 3am. I grabbed a few things and loaded Dave in the car and we headed to the University of Utah, where they were standing by for our arrival.  Not much was done that night except to evaluate and  stabilize him.

The next morning, we were told that since it was Sunday, they really did not want to do surgery to remove the tumor , but wanted to do it when they had the whole OR crew on. They finally sent us home for  2 days since he was stable.  We were given  instructions to return on Tuesday morning for the surgery.  We saw so many different people those first few days, and were told so many very frightening things.  It kind of seemed like a very bad nightmare.  If only we had known that the nightmare was yet to come.  It is kind of like the horror movie when the killer is dead and then the person turns his back and is grabbed by the leg by the still alive and very scary villain.  We had tuned our backs!!!!


em and dave 3



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Posted by on July 13, 2016 in Uncategorized

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